Electronic Health Records Pillows

Still Stuck in Phase I of Meaningful Use...

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

"That's my diagnosis, and don't waste time looking it up. I've already consulted with Siri and Alexa."

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

'The Electronic Health Records software works very well. I entered the patient's medications, vitals, and allergies. The software calculated the course of treatment, projected outcome, and anticipate insurance reimbursement.'

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

'I love this RX site - I can look up prices for all of my unaffordable medicine around town!'

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'

"That's the fifth customer this morning - video calling the doctor's surgery because of Covid restrictions."

"I'm in my doctor's telemedical waiting room!"

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."

"No, this does not count as screen time."

Digital Doctor.

'If you want to get a second opinion, I'll ask my smart phone.'