E-health Explorer Pillows

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

Bird to psychologist: 'I have some deep-seeded issues.'

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

A man's health care options.

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'I take it this wasn't quite the outcome you were expecting from your 'spot reduction diet'?'

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you today. You could visit his web page instead.'

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

"The vet said his depression is due to directing hostile ambivalent feelings of loss toward the self...but that's the Freudian view."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

Aromatherapy.

'I think my gastric band's too tight.'