Electronic Health Record Enthusiast Pillows

'Another advantage of switching to electronic health records is that it will make your indecipherable handwriting obsolete.'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Coronavirus Global Alert

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Hold on - it may take a few minutes for his new pacemaker to sync with his Fitbit.

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"The healthcare industry has made a lot of advances in billing technology."

Still Stuck in Phase I of Meaningful Use...

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

'It has been one of those days when every patient has read the same medical article in Reader's Digest.'

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

Matt Hancock to support whistleblowers by banning gagging orders.

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

'The Electronic Health Records software works very well. I entered the patient's medications, vitals, and allergies. The software calculated the course of treatment, projected outcome, and anticipate insurance reimbursement.'

"That's the fifth customer this morning - video calling the doctor's surgery because of Covid restrictions."

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

'I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got...'

Medicare check in the mail:23,400 bad addesses

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."