Election Season Gifts

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

Santa running for office: 'At last, a politician we can trust!'

The Debate of the Century

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

"We may need a clearer message."

"I may be awhile. I'm soliciting funds for my reëlection campaign."

'This race is simply too close to call.'

"In a post-fact world, anything goes."

'I agree with your position completely; you can count on my support.'

Help Wanted - Unifier.

'There wasn't anything you could do -- somebody had to win the election.'

'My greatest asset is I'm so rich, I can't be bought by any interest group.'

'Goodness Frank, where did all the mud come from?' - 'Election campaigns.'

Voter Suppression Efforts: 'This voting booth is filthy!! If someone doesn't clean this up, I will!!'

Polls show U.S. Democrats may win.

"Give me moderation or give me death!"

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

"I said I'd WIN the nomination."

President Barack Obama.

Not to do list - Vote.

"I like him. He sounds authentic."

'Meet Your New Representative.'

'Vote for me! I'm not tied to any interest group!'

'Which speech should I give them,,, Bullshit 1,,, Bullshit 2,,, or Bullshit 3'

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

'Ah, but when I made my campaign promises, I didn't say 'Simon says'!'

Voting for Wolves or Wolves in Sheep's Clothing

'Looks like they're going for the apathetic vote again.'

'If the election was held today, would you be surprised?'

Caution, lobbyists ahead.

'I would have voted for him, but none of his pandering to special interests targeted my demographic.'

"Are you better off now than you were four innings ago?"

'I just want a candidate who doesn't make me flinch.'

This November, many states are opting for the new simplified voting machines.

'If the election were being held today, would you vote for the stupid candidate or the evil candidate?'