Election Years Gifts

'For a moment, I thought I heard the candidates back on the issues.'

They're Not Just That Into It

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"Away with the warmonger!"

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

'If only every year was an election year.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

Political convention

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

To Err Is Human, to Mess up Big-Time Is Democratic

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Trump Poutine

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

An informed voter is a good voter

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

Elections

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'It's historic that the inauguration of a minority is now routine.'

The Russian Election.

"I think it was an election year."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'