Election Escapist Gifts

Wake me after the next presidential election. Then tell me who won and I'll let you know if I want to hit the four-year snooze alarm.

Election Cancelling Headphones

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

Travel Agent - 'The election's certainly got the voters out!'

"It could be worse, at least we don't have to vote in this weather."

"Is it possible to put in in a coma until after the election?"

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"Do you guys serve beer?"

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

"I'd like to book 10 days going anywhere they've never heard of Brexit."

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

Rising Gas Prices

Anger Management - Now Treating "Electoral College Rage"

'Man, I'm sick of thinking...can't someone flip on a T.V. or something?'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

"You should always stretch before engaging in strenuous activity."

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

But doc, my tenuous grasp of reality is what gets me through the day!

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

As I understand it, if the ancient Greeks had had television to watch and video games to play, we wouldn't be stuck with all this stupid geometry.

'Okay, ready to begin the workout? And... finished. Good job!'

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'You are in a deep, deep sleep, when you awaken you will feel sweaty and exhausted...'

'Joyce, you've gotta see this! This 3-D large screen HD TV is amazing!'

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

Teacher's Lounge

"It's 10000 steps a DAY, not a YEAR!"

Message in a bottle.

"And this brings to a conclusion, thank goodness, our broadcast day."