Elder Care Critic Gifts

"Your mother is receiving top quality care and attention."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

Handle With Care

"Did you remember my mints?"

"Careful."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Duel in a wheelchair.

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Someone to see you!"

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

Surgical Self-Service

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."