Educational Supporters Gifts

"... and that this ham we're eating has enough sodium to give us high blood pressure. That's what I learned in school today."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

U of Debt

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

A Preschool of Fish

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Common Core Family Therapy

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

Kindergarten. Today; Simon Says. I don't know who this "Simon Says" is, but he could make a killing in product endorsements!

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'At first it's just kindergarten, but then mission creep takes over and you're in college.'

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

Abacus.

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"Nice to have you all back at school, tap-tap, there are lessons to learn."