Public Education Supporter Gifts

Crowded Schools

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

'Oh Darling, I'm so proud! I wish I could give you a big hug!'

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

We pride ourselves on having every type of insurance policy, but report card insurance is a new one to us.

When Democrats Win, Democrats Win

'It's someone from the Society for Ethical Treatment of Principals asking for a donation.'

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

'If the key to effective classroom management is consistency, I guess I'm an effective classroom manager, I am consistently exhausted at the end of the day.'

Kid to class: 'I'll read my book report in a minute, but first, a word about our underpaid teachers ...'

Parents teacher conference.

"Let's have refreshments on parents' night. These people need nourishment."

"How much longer will we have to help Besty with her homework?"

'My advice to a first year teacher is to teach from the heart, not only from the book.'

"Heading to your government schools to be brainwashed?"

"These conferences are a good thing. It keeps parents off the streets."

Teacher's Workroom.

Congratulations on your PGCE.

"Hey, look at that. It looks like the stuff we've been using to text each other for years."

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

"My parents appreciate teachers, but me, not so much."

Who'll fill in while your English teacher is on maternity leave? Probably and old-bag substitute. Teach English for a couple of months? I'd love to! Umm, nana? Aren't you too old to go back to teaching? Au contraire! They don't want anyone who could possibly get pregnant. Uh-oh. Age discrimination.

'Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."