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Crowded Schools

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

'Oh Darling, I'm so proud! I wish I could give you a big hug!'

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

We pride ourselves on having every type of insurance policy, but report card insurance is a new one to us.

'It's someone from the Society for Ethical Treatment of Principals asking for a donation.'

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

'If the key to effective classroom management is consistency, I guess I'm an effective classroom manager, I am consistently exhausted at the end of the day.'

Kid to class: 'I'll read my book report in a minute, but first, a word about our underpaid teachers ...'

"Let's have refreshments on parents' night. These people need nourishment."

Parents teacher conference.

'My advice to a first year teacher is to teach from the heart, not only from the book.'

"Heading to your government schools to be brainwashed?"

"How much longer will we have to help Besty with her homework?"

Congratulations on your PGCE.

"These conferences are a good thing. It keeps parents off the streets."

"My parents appreciate teachers, but me, not so much."

"Hey, look at that. It looks like the stuff we've been using to text each other for years."

Teacher's Workroom.

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

'Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

'There's a meeting at school tonight, Dad. The superintendent, the principal, the school board, and you.'