Educational Reform Enthusiasts Gifts

42 Day Detention Vote - 'OK! That's unanimous then - it'll become official school policy.'

Getting an 'A' or A star is all right, but I'd like some sort of profit-sharing plan around here.

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

Corporate person hood!

Spell-Check Bee

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'Yes, we have 'All You Need To Know About The Health Care Legislation' but it is part of a twelve volume set.'

'I'm more unpopular now than I was at school.'

The Internal Economy of Dotheboys Hall

'If she switches to essay tests none of us will ever be the same.'

A batch of bills are abandoned near the end of the parliamentry session

"Due to the expenses involved with making our schools more resistant to mass shootings, we re forced to make large cuts in teacher pay and benefits...and you will be required to carry this glock 9mm...."

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"Now that we have ESSA, does that mean we can start leaving children behind again?"

"We should have more physics in the biology and chemistry curricula."

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

"It's a textbook case- depending on which state your textbooks are from."

'But in the business world, failure is rewarded with big bailouts.'

'Sorry, kid...that's it.'

"Of course we have disinvited Chelsea Manning to be a fellow. Since the surgery, she's no longer a fellow, is she?"

"Do you realize that the only change we have had, in this school, is in our school telephone number?"

"We've canceled so many technical programs. . . local business and industry is begging for trained people!"

'The board couldn't come up with a 'Plan-A'.'

"None of them could run, so we've introduced 'rolling' instead."

'Class, due to the back to basics movement, we're going to learn how to start fires by rubbing sticks and how to hunt mammoths.'

'Is this a wise policy, Ms Yomp- denying condoms to students with the poorest grades?'