Education Reform Advocates Gifts

"I'm sorry, guys...I guess you'll have to start saving for that college bribe money!"

'...We learned about something called 'The Bill of Rights'...they're vague enough for agenda twisting, so there's a need for me to write some new ones.'

Community College Budget Cuts

'Those Labour education policies...'

If School Athletics Were Run Like A Narrow National Standards Test

"I know that there has been a lot of concern expressed about a 'skills shortage'. . . mainly amongst government ministers."

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'What's play?'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Common Core Family Therapy

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

Budget

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

'Lessons have been learned.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

6th Grade Do-You-Own Research Fair

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

New dunce caps

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

Spell-Check Bee

'Boy or girl, straight or gay - I don't care as long as it's science-literate and non-republican.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'