Education Reform Supporters Gifts

Year Zero

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

Spell-Check Bee

End Gun Violence

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

"What I do is create elegant solutions for problems that don't exist."

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

Elections in German - If 'The Greens' come to power. . .

"Implications of Reaganism."

'You will be appointed principal of a school and you will resist change for your entire career,'

'I'm more unpopular now than I was at school.'

The Internal Economy of Dotheboys Hall

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

Department of ReEducation

Civilian Oversight

"Now that we have ESSA, does that mean we can start leaving children behind again?"

iDeasy

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

"No, you cannot impeach your teacher!"

"Due to the expenses involved with making our schools more resistant to mass shootings, we re forced to make large cuts in teacher pay and benefits...and you will be required to carry this glock 9mm...."

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

"We should have more physics in the biology and chemistry curricula."

'If she switches to essay tests none of us will ever be the same.'

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

'No darling, it's not a programme about choice of schools.'

42 Day Detention Vote - 'OK! That's unanimous then - it'll become official school policy.'

'What's the point of all this school business when we can just look up things on the internet?'

'Sorry, kid...that's it.'