Educational Reform Fan Gifts

'If she switches to essay tests none of us will ever be the same.'

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'What's play?'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

Budget

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

'Lessons have been learned.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

New dunce caps

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

'Today in school we learned how to blame everything on the United States!'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'

Spell-Check Bee

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

"No textbooks. I'm strictly Web-fed."

'Don't act too happy that school's out. You'll hurt our teacher's feelings.'

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."