Educational Reform Enthusiast Gifts

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

'Sorry, kid...that's it.'

The Conscience Clause in the Education Bill

'Class, due to the back to basics movement, we're going to learn how to start fires by rubbing sticks and how to hunt mammoths.'

'If someone wanted to brainwash him, it wouldn't take much water!'

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'What's play?'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

Budget

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

'Lessons have been learned.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

6th Grade Do-You-Own Research Fair

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

New dunce caps

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'

Spell-Check Bee

'Today in school we learned how to blame everything on the United States!'

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

'He has a learning disability all right - television!'

"No textbooks. I'm strictly Web-fed."

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."