Educational Content Advocate Gifts

Warning to kids

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Common Core Family Therapy

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Staff Yearbook

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

About the curriculum. The contemporary novel from Austen to Dickens...

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

Another shot heard round the world.

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

'Relax, dad, I haven't been in a classroom for months because all my college classes are online!'

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

'LOVELY school. But where's the library?' 'What's a library?'

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

'It may not be a great report card but it beat the street expectations.'

Gold versus Knowledge

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."