Education Warriors Gifts

"How can they say it's getting easier - this is rocket science."

"Good news! - I've just finished paying back my student loan...."

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Common Core Family Therapy

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

Staff Yearbook

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

Another shot heard round the world.

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

Examiners.

Gold versus Knowledge

"Ted doesn't test well."

Cocoa. Make it a double. Sure, Myles. Coming up. Here ya go. Double today; everything okay? Oh yeah, sure. What's not okay about realizing 3rd grade means a whole bunch of homework and Sally Anne Peters wanting to talk about feelings? Tell me all this weirdness ends soon. Triple on the house.

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."