Classroom Warriors Gifts

'Ms. Krinkle, I know the new contract promised reduced class sizes, but that doesn't allow you to vaporize students.'

Computer Room.

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

Computer Class.

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

'What I did on my summer vacation: I wrote about what I had done the rest of the year.'

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'While outsourcing is a common business practice, you may not ousource your research and homework assignments, Fletcher.'

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

Child finding school too hard.

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

"Ted doesn't test well."

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

"She's a high grade teacher."

'I'm having a hard time balancing homework and family time.'

Examiners.

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"Of course, that's only a first draft."

Help. High performing teacher trapped in low performing pay scale.

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"