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"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"It says '11-plus'. . . I'm 43."

A Puppet Named Juan

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

Math Teacher

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

Master's Degrees of the Universe

"There are no dumb questions, Billy, but there are plenty of dumb answers!"

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'And in conclusion.'

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

'People, get a half-life!'

'Ms. Shelby, I think you're spinning out of control.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

String Theory for Beginners.

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

'I'm taking the 'learn from my mistakes' approach to education.'

'We don't know what this is called'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

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