Education Enthusiasts Gifts

A classroom full of young children; a schedule board in the background lists the day's activities which include: circle time, art fun, snack and S.A.T. prep.

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

'My objective is to have each student become more insightful, compassionate, introspective, and empathetic. In your case, I will settle for quiet.'

'Were there any new buzzwords created while I was out to lunch.'

'Uh-oh, teacher burnout!'

'Welcome graduates, parents, guests, faculty, and home equity loan officers.'

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

'Graduating with a total college loan debt of $120,000, Marissa Kulver...'

'We spent a lot of money educating him, so if you want junior's opinion you'll have to pay for it.'

"The hardest part of homework is keeping my parents motivated."

Glum parents read document. Woman says: 'The number of parents who can make any sense of league tables has fallen by 0.5 of a per cent.'

'These homework patches reduce your cravings. This one is 'Chemistry,' but you can get them in any subject.'

Tuition fees.

'At least $50 a sandwich board per week, multiplied by 800 students, it'll really help balance the school budget...'

School Bus for The Voucher School

Kid to class: 'I'll read my book report in a minute, but first, a word about our underpaid teachers ...'

Sex Education Class - "Today in class I'll be explaining where your babies come from."

'If the school can send in substitute teachers, how come we can't send in substitute students?'

Blew off my S.A.T. prep class.

"Your child gives one hundred percent effort each week, but at the rate of twenty percent per day."

'My teacher has nerves of steel, but that's not strong enough.'

Education! Education! Education!

'I started school at age six and I'm done with it at age 16. I think that after spending 62,5% of my entire life at work I've got the right to retire.'

'A sincere apology costs nothing and it's a smart career move.'

'A spelling test? -- Surely they have software for that sort of thing!'

"Is that like having really bad skin or something?"

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

"I can see that my having been class valedictorian still rankles."

'I understand that Mrs. Doan is retiring at the end of the semester.'

"Hit the 'like' button on your way out!"

Amoebae Parent evening - Gifted and Talented

Kid coming home from school to parent: 'I couldn't remember my locker combination, so I got a tattoo.'

'We've hired a personal trainer to teach him how to play with his educational toys.'

Graduate Joins the Unemployment Queue.

"We think he needs more individual neglect."