Economic Stress Gifts

"I find it hard to perform in these market conditions."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

'Maybe we did pile too much work on his desk.'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

Next, I recall looking down at myself and thinking, God, what a drama queen.

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!

'We'd like to default on the bill.'

'I'm going to have to let you go.'

The Circle.

'I'm certainly no expert on the matter, but throwing the copier out the window just may be a sign you're suffering from stress.'

'Ironically, before I fell on hard times, I was a professional wine taster.'

'This is your new office.'

"When given a choice, a lot of them prefer eternal torment over being stuck in a 9 to 5 job."

'What do you mean when you say we're going to have to start economizing on groceries, Lance?'

'I'm a redundant bank teller.'

"Your money is no longer working for you. It got laid off."

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

"I always put things off until the last minute."

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

'Creepy, yes. But on the other hand, he's never missed a deadline.'

'This should be done within the next ten minutes because our company will go bankrupt in about fifteen minutes.'

"I've decided to move back in with my parents."

'Did you tell the kids they could have a yard sale.'

Credit Crunch.

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"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

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