Eco-friendly Investor Gifts

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

"Secondhand books, reheated coffee"

Putting money back in to the world economy

IOC and human rights.

Climate Crisis and the Banks

The Economy Discovers FFF!

'Stocks rose on news that 'green' - the color of money - is considered environmentally friendly.'

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

Without telling me, you invested my salary in The Infant Restaurant Critic. It's a funny story, actually … Weeks earlier, the cafe got a visit from a baby whose screaming and yelling can make or break the restaurant. If the baby eats the food, the eatery gets a good review online. If not, ouch. It's not Yelp, more like yell. Or whine. But like so many subjective concepts, this one can be corrupted. It turned out that the entrepreneurs behind The Infant Restaurant Critic were willing to compromis

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

Elephant Upgrade

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

Money feeds tree of property

'How I love Global Warming... Otherwise, it would be necassary to look for a -BLEEARGH!- serious job!'

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

'The Dow is going up, the Dow is going down, the Dow is...'

Holistic Stocks, Inc.

'The top graph shows the patient's progress. The bottom one's the drug company's share price.'

Multi-Functional

'Now that's my kind of green technology!'

Green Bank

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

'Our new 'green' fund invests in companies that pay lots of cold, hard cash dividends.'

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

'It's not a spitoon. It's for scruples.'