Eclectic Humorist Gifts

"Who ordered the krill pizza?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Football Chameleon

"The Eggsorcist"

Honest Vending

Atomic Bear: Part 21

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

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'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

Champagne at the hunt

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

Murphy bed...Murphy.

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.