Eccentric Event Goer Gifts

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Use your imagination.

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

All dressed up and no place to go

Open House of Horrors

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

'Don't you ever knock?'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

Nothing puts the flavor in a hot dog like a sports event.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"I've done nothing Instagrammable for months."

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

"I know I was ecstatic to get tickets for Glastonbury - it's just that now I realise I have to go."

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

"Your party just totally blew us away."

"Come at me, Bro!"

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

"He's nuts. She's nuts. All three young ones are nuts. The dog is nuts. And the old lady upstairs is nuts, too."

'I'm afraid we had to cancel the 'perfect planning' seminar. By the time we got around to booking the hotel was full and speaker we hoped to use died in 1967...'

Upbeat conversation/downbeat conversation.

Tom Waits.

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"I couldn't find the giant scissors."

'This is Hargreaves - he's in charge of corporate hospitality.'

"Whatever you do don't get onto the topic of his wacky socks."

"And, finally, I can put this charming toy plane on the dress because I am Ungaro."

'...Joseph A.Peabody seeks out devious methods to add new excitement to his life.'

"Just a signature and my alimony check."

'Them...? That's our multi-level marketing crowd...'