Eccentric Event Goer Gifts

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Use your imagination.

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

Open House of Horrors

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

'Don't you ever knock?'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

Nothing puts the flavor in a hot dog like a sports event.

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

"Your party just totally blew us away."

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"Come at me, Bro!"

"He's nuts. She's nuts. All three young ones are nuts. The dog is nuts. And the old lady upstairs is nuts, too."

'I'm afraid we had to cancel the 'perfect planning' seminar. By the time we got around to booking the hotel was full and speaker we hoped to use died in 1967...'

Tom Waits.

Upbeat conversation/downbeat conversation.

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

"I couldn't find the giant scissors."

'This is Hargreaves - he's in charge of corporate hospitality.'

"And, finally, I can put this charming toy plane on the dress because I am Ungaro."

'...Joseph A.Peabody seeks out devious methods to add new excitement to his life.'

"Whatever you do don't get onto the topic of his wacky socks."

"Just a signature and my alimony check."

'Them...? That's our multi-level marketing crowd...'

Man leaves stretch limousine in a stretch wheelchair.