Eccentric Comedy Lover Gifts

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Dog Walking Services

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

Skiing.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Deer Season Open.

More Reasons To Beware Of Dog

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Wheel, schmeel—check these babies out!"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...