Eating Pillows

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?"

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Welcome to America, bitch."

"You came up in therapy this morning."

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"I asked for a sand wedge!"

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

"I eat cheap greasy food so I can save for my cardiologist bills in the future."

"Look, I'd like to help, but I've just got too much on my plate right now."

"Well of course I overeat when I'm under pressure. 'Stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts'!"

Pigeon Little

"Do you want the last piece, or can I have it?"

'Would you like your arteries clogged here or to go?'

"Is everything O.K., sir? We noticed that you aren't constantly eating."

"Mommy wants you to know where your food comes from."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'I'll have a monsterburger with cheese and giant fries..oh! and a diet cola, I've got to watch my weight.'

"I get a shooting pain up my left arm every time I reach for a second helping and my wife stabs me with her fork."

Pre-emptive strike against brussels sprouts.

'I suffer from overeating and manic depression.'

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

''Not a significant source of anything even remotely nutritious'...wow, Mom, can we get these?'

"Gloves off at the table please!" "They're not gloves, they're dirt!"

You must be this wide to enter the restaurant.

'After that 24 hour beer and fruit cake binge, you need a radical detox!'

Eat drink and be merry!

"When I was your age, I was an adult."

'I really should consult a dietician. My idea of preparing healthy food is to blow the sugar off a donut.'

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'

"Aw, man, that's never coming out."

"Mom, I HATE creamed corn...and isn't this stuff needed to make ethanol?"

Survived the Holidays

'You have a serious vitamin deficiency - Eat as much breakfast cereal as you can.'

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle