Easter Egg Strategist Gifts

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Did you check the little patch of grass by the swing set?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

Helicopter tour guide: 'And THERE they are folks! The mysterious ancient stone figures of Easter Island!'

'Something tells me I shouldn't have had these around Easter.'

Chicken: the one-man show

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"Instead of eggs, you're going to look after the lost balls in the water hazards."

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'It's true that the flavanoids in chocolate can help reduce platelet activation and influence the balance of eicosanoids...but that is not a justification for me to prescribe you a daily dose of 'choco' mini eggs.'

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

"I switch to this mask if I know the homeowner is more of a cat person."

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

'We'll soon know whether or not the Easter rabbit is real.'

"Your mother is becoming more and more incomprehensible to me."

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

'I'm dyeing!'

"When you're ready, please try to identify who it is that you think you saw in your home in the early hours of last Easter."

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

"He's your rich uncle. What do you buy the caveman who's hunted and gathered everything?"

Good Casual Friday

Easter Eggs.

"Just how do you propose to pay for this giveaway?"

'The Easter bunny doesn't come down the chimney. He hides his eggs in the backyard.'