Easter Egg Strategist Gifts

'This isn't working, No one remembers where they hid their eggs,'

How the Easter Bunny lets everyone know where the naughty kids live.

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Did you check the little patch of grass by the swing set?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

Helicopter tour guide: 'And THERE they are folks! The mysterious ancient stone figures of Easter Island!'

Thanksgiving Feast. Get lots of turkey, but not too much of you'll have to take a pause at the nap box. I'm skipping the cranberries and going for the green beans and the potatoes. I'm at the stuffing now and getting bonus points for extra gravy! Hey! There's a shortcut through the corn, straight to the pumpkin pie! I win! Not so fast. You missed the most important spot where you give thanks for your family and friends. Oh, you're right. It's okay that I didn't win. I'll get you tomor

'Something tells me I shouldn't have had these around Easter.'

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Chicken: the one-man show

"Instead of eggs, you're going to look after the lost balls in the water hazards."

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'It's true that the flavanoids in chocolate can help reduce platelet activation and influence the balance of eicosanoids...but that is not a justification for me to prescribe you a daily dose of 'choco' mini eggs.'

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

'I'm dyeing!'

'We'll soon know whether or not the Easter rabbit is real.'

"I switch to this mask if I know the homeowner is more of a cat person."

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

"Your mother is becoming more and more incomprehensible to me."

"When you're ready, please try to identify who it is that you think you saw in your home in the early hours of last Easter."

'I think I may be an adrenaline junkie.'

Easter Eggs.

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.

Good Casual Friday

"He's your rich uncle. What do you buy the caveman who's hunted and gathered everything?"

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

"Just how do you propose to pay for this giveaway?"