Eager Investors Gifts

"It's scary. These new kids don't want to wait until they're thirty-five for their five million."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

'The good news is that we're making huge profits - the bad news is that we won't be getting a bailout.'

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

"Which way up do you want it?"

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

I have a dream.

Business plan.

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

Shareholder's Meetings

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

'After I bought those stocks of Chinese companies, I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

"Will my bonus look big in this?"