Eager Investors Gifts

"It's scary. These new kids don't want to wait until they're thirty-five for their five million."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

'The good news is that we're making huge profits - the bad news is that we won't be getting a bailout.'

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

"Which way up do you want it?"

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

I have a dream.

Business plan.

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

"Sorry guys, but your 'magic mind-reader' doesn't seem to be working."

Shareholder's Meetings

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

"Will my bonus look big in this?"

'After I bought those stocks of Chinese companies, I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."