Dusting Aficionado Gifts

"I remember when you bought this thing. You said you were going to exercise all of the time. You never get on it."

Saint George and the Drag Queen

Waiting for Pants

'I lost a fight with a mud puddle.'

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

"Sheez. I hope they like pictures of dirt."

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

'I never thought my dirt would turn on me like this.'

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

'Parents are so inconsistent. They spend all day avoiding soil loss and all night promoting it.'

'I thought this was supposed to be clean fill dirt!'

"I warned you about playing at the tar pits."

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

"Hello job security."

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

Decluttering. . .

"That loft has needed sorting out for years, at least you've had time to do the job properly!!"

"I don't get it. I only had a couple of beers in the pub last night, but I've got a splitting headache this morning."

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

'May I tidy up the infield?'

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

Sailors Scrubbing the Decks

"Ok, you wash, you dry...."

New more powerful, furniture polish.

"Now, that's what I call a skyscraper!"

'Being married is a very expensive way to get your laundry done for free!'

'Eww! Gross! You smell really good. Have you been in the rose garden again?'

"So using all those brown coffee filters literally bought me nothing?"

"That goes to the dry cleaners."

'We did consider furniture, but this way is just so much easier to vacuum.'