Duplicate Dodger Gifts

"Be careful with your third wish. Another book you might already have read would be a bummer."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

Nun Binning the Devil

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'I find the easiest way to expand my vocabulary is to make up words.'

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

The Demon's Disguise

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

Revenuers will be shot.

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Walk right in. Sit right down.

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

"You're the therapist - you make it go away."

'I wouldn't stand on it. It makes mum cry every time she does it.'

THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE... WHERE IS THE CAT?

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."