Duel Dodger Gifts

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Nun Binning the Devil

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

Wild West Text Showdown

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

Hunter hits duck with ejected shell.

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

The Demon's Disguise

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

Duel in the snow with snow shovels.

Nobody Comes Between Nancy & Her Mondrian

"Do you mind? Look what you made me do!"

"At the last minute, his personal physician always intervenes."

"Are you listening to me?"

'Instead of brushing my teeth can't I just chew on one of his dog biscuits?'

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."