Duel Dodger Gifts

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Nun Binning the Devil

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

Wild West Text Showdown

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

Hunter hits duck with ejected shell.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

Nobody Comes Between Nancy & Her Mondrian

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

The Demon's Disguise

"At the last minute, his personal physician always intervenes."

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"Are you listening to me?"

'Instead of brushing my teeth can't I just chew on one of his dog biscuits?'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."