Dungeons Conqueror Gifts

'Down to 43 hit points? ?have you been fighting again?'

Homo Gamus

Gamers

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Firefigher arm-wrestling with a dragon.

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

"You go pillage. I can loot from here."

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

"Where do you see yourself in five moves?"

Contest to enter the University

After conquering Baked Alaska, Mount Bakewell was a piece of cake.

"I reached Level Three of Super Mario Brothers!"

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'I wanna get out of the rat race, spend more time with the kids and finally nail them at monopoly.'

"Ha ha, very funny. But seriously … there’s a pub at the top?"

Speleologist

Fancy portrait of the gentleman who killed the greatest number of small birds. [To be hung up in all sparrow clubs]

"Ahhh, there's nothing like the fifteenth cup of the day."

"These IT guys are really intimidating I mean just look at the focus the concentration...I wonder what he's working on?"

"My new time machine is also fantastic if I want to take back a move."

'Dinnertime!', 'Not now, Mom -- the fate of the Galaxy is in my hands!'

'It's the boogie man!'

King of the Mountain

Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You ok in there? I think I'm dying here. What? D'you need me to call 911? I don

Knight Light

"The slave Spartacus has picked this week's lottery numbers!"

We regret that misprint on the box. Instead of saying, 'An 8 year old can assemble this' it should have read, 'It takes 8 years to assemble this.'

'Son, isn't it about time you went out and conquered a country of your own?'

Man stood on a Crocodile.

Guys, I'm afraid to fall asleep. What if I have another nightmare that Anderson Cooper is taunting me? Take that, fancy anchor man.

"...When I was about to hit 'new order', an alert popped up telling me my city was being marched on by an enemy alliance."

I think the virus is an elaborate trick to get me to exercise by taking the stairs. Stairs up only.

"Go on!"

'Our son, who's forbidden to play with guns, has just wiped out civilization with his simulation game!'