Dry Wit Lover Pillows

The Dry Humor Martini: 'Like the economy, I'm shaken, not stirred...'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"You make a great point."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Snowman Romance

'... Get set... Wait! We forgot the water!'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

A frog makes his own pond from tears.

G.K. Chesterton.

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

"A pox on your house red."

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

Mensa Applicants - Please Form an Orderly IQ.

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

"I've been in the desert for a really long time and I've got a bad case of dry eyes. Do you have any eye drops?"

Oscar Wilde