Quick Wit Lover Pillows

'Prolonged space travel causes an astronaut's brain to float to the top of his skull."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

Cold caller.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"You make a great point."

The Gilmore Girls

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

Spiv

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

G.K. Chesterton.

"A pox on your house red."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."