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'Prolonged space travel causes an astronaut's brain to float to the top of his skull."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Cold caller.

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

The Gilmore Girls

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"You make a great point."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Spiv

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

I was thinking about something more like a slogan.

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)

G.K. Chesterton.

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'