Dry Wit Lover Gifts

The Dry Humor Martini: 'Like the economy, I'm shaken, not stirred...'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

"You make a great point."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Snowman Romance

'... Get set... Wait! We forgot the water!'

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)

G.K. Chesterton.

A frog makes his own pond from tears.

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

"A pox on your house red."

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

Mensa Applicants - Please Form an Orderly IQ.

Penny for your lack of thoughts.

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

He wouldn't be up there is he had just kept his mouth shut.

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

Yeah, last words are like snappy comeback --- You always think of the best ones after it's too late!

Oscar Wilde

"I've been in the desert for a really long time and I've got a bad case of dry eyes. Do you have any eye drops?"

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."