Drug Awareness Detective Gifts

Members of the city and state police, the federal prosecutor's office and an undercover agent pose behind a recently-seized, uncut ounce of prevention (street value: $500,000).

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

Science and Coronavirus

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

"We need to talk about procrastination."

'This could end up costing a lot more than I thought -- your disease is psychocomatic!'

"...I suggest we call it Greenspanium"

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

'We thank you for giving us the ability to genetically alter, irradiate and microwave this wonderful food.'

The Sleep of Reason Produces Bureaucracy

La Tour 2007.

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

Pharmacy. Prescription. Don't worry about that --- After paying for those you can't afford to drive! (Published originally on August 1, 2011.)

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

"Don't let the organized desk fool you. I have no idea where my computer files are."

Gene doping in sport.

Don't do drugs and Don't sniff glue T-Shirts.

"Mr. Bermudez passed out and hit his head, but that'll heal."

Opium Den 2019

'He likes to point out the obvious.'

'This ain't gonna be easy.'

"You can use Dave's cubicle. He has Seasonal Affective Disorder and won't be using it this winter. Whoa! I guess I'm wrong. There he is, hibernating under the desk!"

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

Woman feeding pigeons crumbs, man feeding children crack.

'Wow! Well this certainly rules out hypochondria!'

'You don't even know you're doing it, do you?'