Drug-sniffing Detectives Gifts

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Science Fair. How viruses spread.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'I'd like to report a peeping tom.'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

"Do you hear any bad germs?"

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

'It's nice to meet you Otto. Your scent precedes you.'

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

Excessive Paperwork

'Oh-oh, they're looking up at me ? I think they're on to us!'

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

'Fingerprints on your laptop screen?... wow, that's a real mystery.'

"...I suggest we call it Greenspanium"

'Put it under my microscope!'

Barristers wearing clothes pegs to overcome a bad smell

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

"I ask you, how can something so cute and soft smell like a bag of Fritos?"

"Uh-oh,...she smells another dog in my portfolio..."

"Hmmm...this'll be a tough one..."

'I say we back off: I can't smell fear at all...'

Working from home.

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

'I'd like a second opinion. Something about this guy just doesn't smell right.'

"According to my analysis, if Travis has the office cold this week, I'll catch it next week, and then Brenda -- which means that Susan should start sniffling right around Thanksgiving."

Pharmacy. Prescription. Don't worry about that --- After paying for those you can't afford to drive! (Published originally on August 1, 2011.)

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

Closing Laugh Mystery Publications

I thought you might want to color it in. Color chalk. 1 1 1 2 1 1 4 4 5 5

'Good afternoon madam, we're Federal Bear Investigators. We believe a miss Goldilocks lives here?'