Smell Detectives Gifts

"I ask you, how can something so cute and soft smell like a bag of Fritos?"

"Pew researchers!"

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'Have you no common scents?!'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

"Do you smell something?"

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

"Ah — excellent catsup."

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

A consumer guide to cheese.

'It's nice to meet you Otto. Your scent precedes you.'

'(Sniff!)... Hey! Somebody stole my identity!'

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

Barristers wearing clothes pegs to overcome a bad smell

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

"Uh-oh,...she smells another dog in my portfolio..."

'I say we back off: I can't smell fear at all...'

'I'd like a second opinion. Something about this guy just doesn't smell right.'

"Well done, yes, it's a skunk scent. Concentrate though, can you smell the faint trace of perfume? It's a female skunk..."

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

"No offense."

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

Again, that's yours.

You're right. It's not fear I smell but angst with a hint of regret.

Skunk in library reads from the '10 Best Smellers'.