Driving Instructor Gifts

"The latest car safety data is in, and it's still really really bad to crash into things."

'Safety zone ends, resume driving like idiots.'

"Gracie, just because you understand internal combustion engines...doesn't mean you can drive."

Steep learning curve ahead.

A Student Driver Meets a Learning Curve

"When I let out a blood curdling yell and scream 'Jesus Christ you're going to kill someone' I'd like you to apply the brakes..."

'Okay. Now, try to parallel park while talking on your cell phone and changing songs on your ipod.'

"In todays driving lesson we learn the importance of checking your blind spot."

"Check your rearview mirror often. I'll provide feedback through rude hand gestures and screaming obscenities."

No Title

'Can I call you back?'

Insensitive driving school - 'That was crap.'

'For future reference, when I say 'parallel park', I mean in the road.'

Wait, maybe it's, 'Keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel'.

At fork in road, cars merge into one.

Driver sees sign: 'Room for Improvement ... Next 2600 Miles'

'Hey, did you know these things have brakes?'

"Lollipop man, dear.. what lollipop man?"

'He wasn't distracted. He's just a lousy driver.'

'There is no ‘Play Again' button.'

'Mr. Smith, cars used to have steering wheels, right?'

Learner driver conned into being a getaway driver

"If you have to drive that slow, put on your emergency flashers to warn other drivers. Or better still, wear a hat."

Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' goes for a ride with a crash test dummy.

when you hear me scream' oh my god you're going to kill us...stop the f***** car'' then I'd like you to apply the emergency brake

'Dad, can we get a Porche convertible?'

'How can I concentrate on my driving test, if you keep screaming like that?!'

Traffic sign: Right lane ends - Merge into oncoming traffic.

'I'm afraid I'm going to have to fail you. Sticking your head out the window while driving is incredibly dangerous.'

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

"Oh yeah...winter. Now I remember!"

'Where'd you learn to drive!?'

"Err...When I said straight over at the round-about..."

"Can you try that stop again? Some of the pensioners on board are still standing."

"Good boy. Now speed up a little and try sticking your head out even farther."