Driving Guru T-Shirts

"Never, ever chase one of those."

Driver Showdown

Drool Marks

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"Take me to your mechanic."

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

Kirsten Johnson

Man helping a mini learner driver

"Oh look, that police car is chasing someone! Let me get out of his way. Hmm...he's still behind me. Let me move... That's odd....he's still behind me. I'll move over another lane."

Animals are smarter than we think!

I love my motor.

'I need both hands for steering.'

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

"You can turn your blinker off now, Senator."

"At first I thought a full size spare was a good idea, but now..."

Stone Age Driving Test

"Yoga World is two blocks past Yoga Palace. If you see Yoga Mecca, you've gone too far."

"I failed driver's ed....Apparently there's like this rule about rear-ending a police car!"

"Of course I know what the rearview mirror is for...to check at any moment if my hair still looks ok."

"Gracie, just because you understand internal combustion engines...doesn't mean you can drive."

Influences.

Student tower pulling along a student driver.

"How about a self-inflating-a-flat-tire car?"

"You're very courteous for a hog"

'I know that I told you not to hog the crown of the road, but this is ridiculous!'

"You know how some writers are known as 'writer's writers'? I'm what's known as a 'driving instructor.' "

'I had to go that fast in order to keep that nut from passing me!'

"Good boy. Now speed up a little and try sticking your head out even farther."