Driving Guru Gifts

"Never, ever chase one of those."

Driver Showdown

Drool Marks

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"Take me to your mechanic."

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

Kirsten Johnson

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

Man helping a mini learner driver

"Oh look, that police car is chasing someone! Let me get out of his way. Hmm...he's still behind me. Let me move... That's odd....he's still behind me. I'll move over another lane."

I love my motor.

'I need both hands for steering.'

Animals are smarter than we think!

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

"You can turn your blinker off now, Senator."

"At first I thought a full size spare was a good idea, but now..."

"Yoga World is two blocks past Yoga Palace. If you see Yoga Mecca, you've gone too far."

Stone Age Driving Test

"Of course I know what the rearview mirror is for...to check at any moment if my hair still looks ok."

Wait, Dear --- You forgot your lunch! Oh, heck! I'm already halfway to work!

"I failed driver's ed....Apparently there's like this rule about rear-ending a police car!"

"Gracie, just because you understand internal combustion engines...doesn't mean you can drive."

Influences.

Student tower pulling along a student driver.

'I know that I told you not to hog the crown of the road, but this is ridiculous!'

Robot Psychiatry. But if I get in touch with my inner mechanisms, won't that void my warranty?

I don't brake for tail gators.

"You know how some writers are known as 'writer's writers'? I'm what's known as a 'driving instructor.' "

"You're very courteous for a hog"

"Aside from the foot, do you think my parking's getting better?"

"How about a self-inflating-a-flat-tire car?"

'I had to go that fast in order to keep that nut from passing me!'