Safe Driving Guru Gifts

'And don't do that, or that, or that, or that, or that, or that...'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

AI Safety Officer

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

'Oops! Sorry! I should've said, 'buckle your seat belts'!'

"The sky looks blue because your protective lenses are tinted, dear."

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

Job Safety - Hardhat.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

"Seriously Dad, it totally wasn't my fault."

The Hive, Inc. Think safety! 17 days without a honey boo-boo.

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

Beware of Everything

Atlas carrying Earth about to slip on banana peel.

Nice park. . .

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

Safest Airline in The World

The Future of Flight?

'Fred, didn't I tell you to wear a helmet?'

'I'm here in case one of the actors actually does break a leg.'

"Aaaughhh! Don't play with that!"

Safe driver.

'It's an old work injury.'

"Maybe all spirit filled meetings should be held outside to avoid setting off the sprinklers."