Driveway Defender Gifts

'Oh brother, not another one! When are you middle-aged guys going to wise up and stop shoveling your driveways>'

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Touring Cyclist

"I can see our house from here."

'Your Grounded!'

Fighting the Zika Virus

'If you're not over-protective of your new SUV, then why on earth would you bring it way out here on our hunting trip?'

Planning for flooding - 'Well, we'll cross that bridge when come to it.'

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

A man shoots at a drone.

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

A fisherman catches fish wearing gas masks near oil runoff.

Ebola reaches USA.

"Not on my watch..."

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?' Moles prepare for their assault on a newly mowed lawn

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

"Actually we were hoping for something a little more sensible..."

How was my emergency stop?

"Don't even think about it!"

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

'What I really hate is preventive medicine. The go after us before we even do anything.'

"Have you SEEN what an angry slug can do to a delphinium?"

"Clear off! Can't you see I'm self-isolating?"

Spring House Cleaning: Sweeping Cuts

'The answer is still no. I'm not interested!'

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

I'm the Bluebird of Happy Motoring. If you must drink, don't drive!

'I'm not a bad driver, they're bad pedestrians.'

'Directions? You just wanted directions?'

Driver sees 'Yield' road sign as tank is on road in which car merges.

'I certainly don't get tailgated anymore!'

'Mam, we're from the Monsanto Corporation. Your tomato plant is in violation of a number of copyrights.'

The Fighter

'The Swiss find something new to clean.'

"No, defensive driving does not mean you hit the other guy first!"