Drinks Therapist Pillows

In case of emergency, break glass.

Her tears flowed like wine.

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

Couples' therapy

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"You need to stop bottling it up."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

"Has it ever occurred to you just to say, 'Hey, I quit. I don't want to be a part of the food chain anymore'?"

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'

'Okay, I'm going to make the phone ring just once, and I want you to refrain from picking up. Bite the towel if you have to.