Drinks Therapist Pillows

In case of emergency, break glass.

Her tears flowed like wine.

Licensed Therapist

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'We have three minutes left.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"You need to stop bottling it up."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

"Has it ever occurred to you just to say, 'Hey, I quit. I don't want to be a part of the food chain anymore'?"

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'

"Have you tried just giving your head a shake?"

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

"Dr. Stolner says it might be nice if I let you see my dark side."