Liquid Therapist Pillows

"My wife thinks I'm out looking for a job..."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

In case of emergency, break glass.

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Lightest beer on the market. Carbonated with helium.

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

My first mistake.

"I'm addicted to water."

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

'I'm worried that I might have slept through my 'fifteen minutes of fame'.'

"Lemonade" "Vodka"

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

Children line up to talk to Santa

Bach Doubles

'Once I get started I drink like a fish.'

"I can clearly see from the colour of your rings that your have some anger issues...!"

Bartenders making cocktails

Her tears flowed like wine.

"For a full third of my life I didn't drink. I was asleep!"

'What have you got in the way of a Cabernet Sauvignon for people who like Zinfandel when they can't find Merlot?'

'A quick one, Tommy. I'm running on empty.'

'Actually I was trained to be a chemist, but I'm learning fast.'

'We never sell a wine before it's time. We're still waiting for our first big sale.'

"Next time you drink to forget, could you at least remember to pay your bar bill!"

'When I told him we had no wine, he just kept going.'

Aprés-ski, Aprés-curl, Aprés board

"The secret of my good health? Well, my life is pretty much one long thalassotherapy session!"

'Without you as a friend, I'd be a hopeless drunk by now'

'...and how did the acupuncturing go?'

'Mate with you! Are you joking - we live in a glass bowl!'

"Any advance on 'cat wazz'?