Liquid Therapy Advocate Pillows

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Self help acupuncture

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

In case of emergency, break glass.

'I hate Mondays.'

'We have three minutes left.'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'