Drink Jester Pillows

A soldier fills a mortar with champagne

Balancing two espresso martinis

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

Hardware and software

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

'He's all eyes!'

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

Monks play conkers with crucifix

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

NSA is coming to town.

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

"Med Brittle"

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

'This is your idea of converting your boat to a sailboat, a sheet? And while we're on the topic, is that one of my good sheets?'

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

'Is he taking the piss?'

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

"Mum, I think Grandad's run out of batteries."

Another wedding

An angel spinning the Vitruvian Man

"You'll notice it's the same list as last year. Let's try a little harder this time."

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

Texting Rodeo Clown

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"