Dinner Jester Pillows

"Your mom cooks the chicken, but your dad makes it dance."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"You owe me five bucks."

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Husband bakes a pie

"Gigot de sept heures."

'He's all eyes!'

"More helium."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

I'll try the cod surprise.

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'Can't we have something other than curry for a change?'

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

Spaghetti Mummy

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

Middle Age Spread.

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"Just how rare is this steak..."

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

'Don't give me that 'hairball' excuse again. Just admit it - you don't like my cooking!'

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

Your Dinner is in the Tin

'Hoopla!'

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

"I'm the chef." "I'm the Health Inspector."