Dribble Master Gifts

Anders Iniesta

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Raheem Sterling

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

I love Basketball.

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

Wilfried Zaha

"Just when they thought it was safe to go back in the water, the great fish emerged from below."

"What a midfield wizard!"

Lionel Messi

'Let the ball do the work, son.'

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

Ah, geez, there goes my groin muscle again.

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

Fetching, rolling over, playing dead, sitting up

I'm sorry, your honor, I'm a little distracted. Would it be okay if I were to continue questioning the witness via cell phone from the hall?

Basketball Halo

"Would you like to squiggle here something that no-one in a MILLION years would be able to read!"

OK... make that three dirtbikes... one very large doghouse... four electric guitars...the biggest chainsaw I've ever seen... aaannnd... are you ready for this?

"He's not so clever, he thinks he's playing draughts"

'Nice toss. But if you want a real tight spiral, try getting your elbow up and throwing right over your ear.'

'I'm afraid we can't accept you as a medical student, your handwriting is far too legible. '

"I'm always second best to him; I have to fix all his mistakes, and it's wearing me down..."

The God's football

'Now that's just gutsy defense. Roger sacrifices his body, steps in front of the dribbler and draws the offensive foul.'

"What have you done?!"

'This PowerPoint slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.'

Oatmeal, dork. Another? That's three today. What's up? Senor Scrabble championships are tomorrow. I'm loading up. On carbs? Fiber. Key preparation for seniors. Extra gross.

Local Basketball coverage: we don't miss a dribbleb

'Michael likes to keep his iPod on shuffle.'